Beer and Violence

Despite the season, it seems that the pinheads of the world are ganging up to give beer, and beer drinkers, a bad name. Again. It’s bad enough that beer is considered a “blue collar” or “common” drink by people who don’t know craft beer from hamster piss, but it’s another thing when we see story after story of idiots committing crimes to get themselves a beer. And not even a good one at that. Consider the following stories:

In Mississauga, Ontario, Canada, two teenagers attacked a delivery guy dropping off beer at a home. They threatened him with a hockey stick and what appeared to be a gun. The delivery man turned over the beer and the cash. The homeowner had not ordered any beer. Now, I’m not a cop (although I play one on TV) but it doesn’t take a giant leap of logic to determine that these kids called in the order. And odds are the little turds live in the neighborhood. Let the search and eventual beatings begin. Full story here.

Here at home, in Bakersfield, CA, two Hispanic men looking for beer attempted to steal it from a Fastrip convenience store. A scuffle ensued, a knife was shown, and the two men got away, hopping into a waiting car down the street. A tow truck driver observed all of this, and followed the beer bandits home, and contacted the police. The cops show up and order everyone out of the house, placing the men under arrest. Then, for whatever reason, they let a K-9 dog loose in the house. A 14-year-old kid, who had nothing to do with the robbery, was hiding in the house and was promptly bit in the face. Read the report and comments here.

 In Buffalo, NY, yet another convenience store clerk was attacked by a man stealing a beer. Not a six-pack, just one beer. The clerk attempted to stop the man, who cut the clerk on the arm. The thief jumped into a waiting car driven by a woman (his ho, I’ll bet) and fled the scene. More here.

So what the hell is going on? Is there some ebola-like outbreak of stupidity in this country? Let me break it down for all beer thiefs and clerks everywhere:

Clerks: Don’t ever stop anyone from stealing convenience store beer. The best stuff in the place is crap, and you won’t be out of a job. And if you are, good riddance to the ungrateful bastards.

Beer thiefs: if you’re going to steal (and eventually get caught), at least steal something worthwhile. There is nothing in convenience stores you want or need bad enough to steal. Especially beer. But you’re all morons and don’t read blogs so this is pointless.

Merry Christmas, you poster children for abortion. Thanks for helping beer keep it’s good name.

Beer brings the world together

Call it a Christmas Miracle, or just plain common sense, but beer has done what no world leaders have been able to do – bring together hostile countries in pursuit of a common goal, a good beer buzz.

German brewers, in an effort to boost flagging sales, have turned to new brewing methods and products to woo former adversaries. Simcha, a 4.9% alcohol white pilsoner from Hartmannsdorf, Germany, is a kosher beer brewed under a rabbi’s supervision. Per Hassidic law, the grains must not have been grown during Passover, pregnant or menstruating women may not be involved in production, and the bottling, piping, and manufacturing follow a strict cleanliness policy. All of this comes at a price, with Simcha costing up to 80% more than similar beers. The kosher beer is distributed primarily to restaurants in Germany, but orders are coming in from Vienna, Belgium and Britian with negotians under way for placement in Israeli hotels.

Granmalt, a soft-drink company founded last year in Germany, has begun producing an alcohol-free, granulated powder that, when mixed with water or (yuck) milk, becomes instant beer. Who would want something like this? Apparently the Muslim market, whose religion forbids alcohol. Makes you wonder why they would want something that tastes like alcohol…

The verdict is out on whether instant beer will be a success, but in the meantime Granmalt has won Germany’s Entrepreneur Prize.

Puzzle this one out at APF news.

The Next Beer Olympics Champion

Bobby Joe Vasquez is working on his spot in the next Beer Olympics. Bobby was out for a warmup stagger Monday night, including pounding down some “free” beers, when the popo stopped to speak with him. Vasquez immediately went into sprint mode when the cops noticed he was intoxicated and he ran from the police, always a stupid thing to do.

The officers gave pursuit, and Vasquez, in true drunk Olympian form, fell down, in front of the 7-Eleven on Alameda. Things then took a turn for the karmic, when the clerk at the 7-Eleven noticed the commotion and recognized Vasquez as the guy who had stolen the very beer he’d consumed from the store earlier that night.

Police arrested Vasquez on multiple accounts of Theft under $50, Failure to Identify, Evading Arrest, and a few outstanding traffic warrants.

Vasquez should also have been charged with gross stupidity, but unfortunately that isn’t a crime in El Paso. I did a little digging into this story and the following facts emerge:

Bobby ran from the 100 block of Buena Vista to the 5600 block of Alameda, which sounds like a long distance. It isn’t. It’s around a corner, 13 feet to be precise, according to this Google Map. In fact, it’s the 7-Eleven parking lot.

Which leads to observation number two, why in the hell would you hang out and drink your stolen beer in the parking lot of the very store you robbed? Are you truly that stupid? Indeed you must be.

And finally, what’s this about the police giving pursuit? It was 13 feet! I can fall down farther than that. It’s technically 3-4 strides for an average sized man. Or maybe they cut across the parking lot, which would only have been about 6 feet, given the corner and all. Hopefully the police weren’t too winded by the chase.

Read about it in the El Paso Times…

Kids plus Beer equal really, really bad news

We joke around about beers and kids on beer blogs and podcasts, and the last post was about how Harriett Easton, a young beer entrepreneur must have started drinking as early as 5. But alcohol and children is no laughing matter. As it turns out, the alcohol abuse situation has gotten quite grim in Australia. The Australian National Council on Drugs found that 230,000 children have a parent or caregiver who drinks excessively, and 10 Australians a day die as a result of alcohol excess. This epidemic, referred to as “Social Suicide” is most prevalent among Black Australians, and a recent report shows that an Aborigine dies every 38 hours from alcohol abuse.

Children are profoundly affected by this epidemic, both as victims of parents who abuse alcohol, and as alcoholics themselves. Girls as young as 11 will prostitute themselves for a couple of cans of beer, says Father Chris Riley of the Sydney Odyssey House, a drug and alcohol abuse treatment facility. The prevalence of alcohol abuse among Australian children is on the rise according to an ABC radio interview with Father Riley:

 ”In some of the communities we’re working in at 9.30 in the morning, 12- (and) 13-year-olds have bottles of Jack Daniels in their hands, and it is just shocking the way these things are available to kids,” Father Riley said on ABC radio.

“In one of our communities we work in, a group of girls aged between 11 and 16 go down to the bars and clubs at 1am, because that is when they will close, and will prostitute themselves simply for a can or two of beer.

“This is common throughout the communities we’re working in.”

The factors that cause the abuse in children are still becoming clear, but ease of access to alcohol, unclear warning labels, and the sweet alcopop drinks favored by children. Professor Ross Young of Queensland Univerity’s Institute of Health and Biomedical Innovation (IHBI) said National Household Drug Surveys indicated a doubling of the number of 14-19 years olds drinking on a daily basis between 2001 and 2004.

More information on the alcohol abuse situation in Australia can be found at Science Alert, the Herald Sun, and BBC News.

Beer News Radio Podcast 001

The first podcast is up! Download this podcast by clicking here, or subscribe at the Feedburner link.

More cool links, Diggs, etc. coming soon. Thanks for listening!

Chick beer, round two

People who appreciate a good beer often refer to light, fruity beers as “chick beers”, i.e. something the fairer sex might enjoy, even though us manly men enjoy them, too. Tomorrow marks a new spin on the term “chick beer” when 19 year old English entrepreneur Harriet Easton launches Harry’s Beer at a bar in Shrewsbury. This beer, concocted by Harriet and brewed by Hanby Ales of Wen, is described as light with a touch of orange. Alrighty, then.

A few things jumped out at me on this story: her age, the cost of this startup venture, and the media tie in to the “crisis” of drinking in the UK.  First, she’s 19 year olds. From the media reports, she’s been working on this for 18 months. Which means she was 16 1/2 when she started? This seemed a bit off, so I looked into drinking age in the UK. Apparently it’s against the law to give alcohol to a child under 5. But if you’re over 5 it is legal and accepted to give your kid a cocktail in your own home. Children under 16 are allowed to drink, but not purchase, alcohol bought by a parent or guardian. Once you hit 16 you can buy beer with a meal, and when you’re 18 off you go. So Harriet could have been drinking for years. I’ll go along with that for a minute.

Now she hits on the idea, at age 16 1/2, that she could do better than the beers for “the blokes” and apparently suckers a friend of the family into loaning her £35,000, or roughly $71,000 US and it takes her a year and a half to come up with an orange-flavored 4.8% beer.  It’s amazing what one can do with money.

Finally, the Guardian Unlimited runs an article tying this beer to the decline in pub beer sales in the UK, the lowest they’ve been in 70 years. You are left to connect the dots and figure out Harry’s beer will save the day by getting the girls into the pubs.  So forget about the smoking ban, the rise of at-home drinking, and other trivial matters that affect pub sales. Let’s just relax and let the kids save the pubs.

Read more about this at Brookston Beer Bulletin and the Guardian.

I’m only having one and a quarter…

A recent survey conducted by the British Office for National Statistics, a group with a lot of time on their hands, has figured out that  we’ve all been drinking more without even trying. Alcohol consumption in the UK is measured by units. These units were originally calculated in the 1970’s indicating that a glass of table wine, a single shot of spirits, or half a pint of beer equaled one alcohol unit. Since drinking glasses have gotten larger and alcohol by volume in many beverages has increased, the new measures put a glass of wine at two units and a large can of strong beer, 6.5% or better, as three units. Uh oh.

But wait, it gets worse. The British measure their drinks in milliliters. A small 4.5% alcohol beer is a half pint, 284 ml, or 9.6 ounces. A large, over 6.5% abv beer is not a full pint, it’s actually 440 ml, or 14.9 ounces. Small beer is 1 unit, large beer is 3 units. In the U.S., we drink a lot of 12 ounce beers over 6% alcohol. This works out to be a 2 unit beer. So congratulations! You’ve just doubled your drinking without even trying! Your parents should be proud.

In order to combat the idea that you’ve turned into a full blown lush, the Office for National Statistics has come up with a clever solution. Previously it was suggested that men consume no more than 15.8 units a week. It’s now been raised to 19.9 units, a 26% increase. Hooray, we’re not drunks anymore! If you’ve been calculating along at home, this works out to about 10 good beers a week. Uh oh again. Maybe we are drunks after all…

Charts, and in-depth explanations on all of this can be found on the BBC News website.

The Politics of Beer, Brewers and Distributors

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal brought up the subject of beer laws in this country, and how they can work for or against you, depending on where you sit in the beer circle of life. Larry Bell, owner of Bell’s Brewing, had yanked his beer from the Chicago market this past fall. The reasons behind this were simple: Bell’s beers, well-known and appreciated craft styles, were being distributed by a distributor who also distributed mass-market beers. Bell did not feel his beers were getting the representation and promotion they deserved and he elected to simply leave.

Because of Illinois State Law, he could not switch distributors. Federal and state laws have been enacted to protect the distributors from just such an event. The people of Chicago, who know a thing or two about beer, were naturally disappointed that Bell’s Two-Hearted Ale and Oberon would no longer be available. This month, however, Bell’s beer returns under the guise of Kalamazoo Royal Amber Ale, a new recipe distributed by two new distributors.

Bell expects to be sued by his former distributor, but is making the move nonetheless. This move is not about money, it’s more about span of control. Craft brewers get the short end of the stick when it comes to distribution of their product. These antiquated laws which date back to Prohibition do nothing to protect the brewer’s interest and investment. Bell is making a stand and it will be quite interesting to see how this fight continues.

Read more about Bell’s stand here.

Miller joins the Craft Beer scene, litely

Recognizing the ever-increasing value of the craft beer market, Miller (aka CoorsMiller, aka SABMiller) Brewing company has released three versions of their take on craft beers brewed with their flagship product, Miller Lite.

In a quote from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel,

The three new versions of Miller Lite will be a blonde ale, an amber beer and a wheat beer – each with fewer calories and carbohydrates than a typical beer for that style.

They could help establish a new beer industry category, what Miller Chief Marketing Officer Randy Ransom calls “craft-style light.”

“The brewer who can provide a more refreshing and drinkable craft style can stake out a whole new niche in the market,” Ransom said in a statement. “That’s what we intend to do.”

Randy, Randy, Randy. Think about what you just said. Craft beer itself is more drinkable than Miller Lite. And it has more calories because real beer isn’t passed through a sterile filter to decrease calories and flavor. Craft beer is more flavorful, more diverse, more interesting. That’s why it’s called “Craft”, because there is an art to it. I applaud Miller for making this venture, though. If they introduce a “training wheels” version of craft beers, this can lead to more awareness and consumption of real craft beers, and that’s a good thing for the overall craft beer market. Anything that opens a beer drinker’s eyes to something new and different is a good thing.

However, I don’t see a new “craft-light” niche at all. The same people who drink Miller Lite will be the ones drinking the alternative versions. People who drink craft beers will probably laugh at this. There might be some incremental income from craft beer drinkers who simply try the new Miller product out of curiosity, but I don’t see the BJCP creating a new category for light craft, craft-light, whatever.

Form your own opinion by reading the article here.

Mutant Beer? German brewers go nuts over GMO ingredients

In an article today in the Philly Daily News, the subject of genetically modified beer ingredients is raised. It seems there is a furor in Germany (no obscure pun intended) over the use of GMO’s, Genetically Modified Organisms. Scientists are creating crops, such as hops and barley, that are more resistant to disease, grow faster, and reproduce easier. The German beer brewer community has started a petition, with approximately 400 breweries signed up, demanding that the 500-year-old Reinheitsgebot (Germany’s beer purity law) be modified to ban the use of genetically modified ingredients. God forbid that we find a way to brew beer cheaper and offset the hop shortage.

So what’s the big deal about genetically modified ingredients? Over here in the USA, we consume all manner of genetically modified products daily. Of course, we’re the fattest country in the world, but that couldn’t be a coincidence, could it? At the end of the day it’s all about taste. And the lack of third eyes or sixth fingers. You decide.

Read more here!