The Alcohol Kingdom

Bud Gets It’s Own Kingdom

Obviously there is some payola going on. Representative Curt “Show me the Money” Dougherty has launched an effort to get Budweiser named the official state beer of Missouri. Will he next lobby for Slim Jims to be named the official beef stick snack of Missouri? Or will the Armour Vienna Sausage contingent try to defeat that? And what about the Airstream folk? Will he step up for them and get them named the official state Mobile Home? Read it to believe it… 

This Chick Can’t Hold Her Beer

If you’re going to drink, be responsible about it. Especially if you’re 4 years old. Christine Aaron, my nominee for Mother of the Year, passed out or fell asleep leaving an open beer within reach of the kid. Little girl Aaron couldn’t stand to see the dead soldier, so she drank it. Mom fussed at her and then took her to school. Police say they have reason to believe this isn’t the first time. No? Then why didn’t they do something before. This entire community needs to be spayed and neutered before they reproduce again. You be the judge…

 Yes, He Really Is That Stupid

Matthew McConaughey is best known for not wearing a shirt. Which apparently is more valued than his acting, as you hear about that far less. Now he’s showing he’s even dumber than you thought, plus it runs in the family. This dipstick wants to name his unborn kid after his brew of choice, just like his equally stupid brother, who actually did this. You can’t make this up…

Signs of the Apocalypse

Rat Piss Du Jour

Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, the beer whores at the Dark Beast of St. Louis have pushed out another malt-based abortion, Bud with Lime. This is to answer the Miller Chill debacle. How’s this for irony:

Julian Green, a Miller spokesman, says it was decided to give the brew its own Miller Chill label and not make it a variety of Miller Lite because marketers believe it sounds “more premium.”

Yeah, it’s a more premium brand of rat piss. But that’s just my opinion, form your own by reading the article. Disgusting bonus of Slurpeeccino. Yes, Slurpee and coffee. Gag. 

 For Our Sightless Drunk Japanese Friends

This is a clever sort of idea, but really pointless. Apparently there are an assload of pop-top cans in Japan, and if you’re blind you don’t know what you’re drinking. So the vendors have begun stamping Braille on the can tops. This way you can run your fingers over them and know whether it’s beer, soda, coffee or whatever.

But, as this article shows, the beer is in coolers or vending machines, so unless they have Braille on the vending machine, you don’t know what you’re getting. And how do you know there’s a vending machine nearby? Braille signs saying “beer thataway”?  I think this is diversity run amuck. You be the judge by reading the article.

How Stupid I Really Am

You think you know things and then your world is turned upside down when  you find out you’re completely wrong. This article is about a huge cyberspace (kill people who use this word out loud) movement to make St. Patrick’s Day a HOLIDAY. Apparently it isn’t a HOLIDAY. It just appears on all of the CALENDARS but it isn’t a HOLIDAY! The sell all the little plastic green bowlers, shamrocks, etc. but it isn’t a HOLIDAY.

Apparently there’s some legal government deal that has to occur. Never mind the fact that everyone already thinks it’s a holiday. It will carry just as much weight as Valentine’s Day. You don’t get off work for that either. Who’s behind this madness? The lovable leprechauns at Guinness, of course. More media promotion.

Okay, kudos to them for doing this, but I have one very key suggestion. You don’t need to make St. Patrick’s Day a holiday. You need to make the day AFTER the holiday, so you can stay home with your hangover from too much G.

Back Again…

HAH! Told you we’re not dead. Just an extended soul-crushing period of work. The kind of work that drains the very life out of you, and makes you wish you had a beer.
Like these guys in Wales. A plumber and a farmer have the American Dream, except it’s in Wales. They quit their day jobs and become partners (and dogsbodies, whatever that is) in their weirdly named microbrewery. Read about there adventures here…

 A little closer to home, but eerily similar to Wales, is… Vermont! And the fine folks at Magic Hat who stay up very late at night thinking up strange brews. When you think beer, you think Vermont, right? That’s why Magic Hat is doubling their capacity and gotten some serious pimpage from the local media. Read about Magic Hat’s quest for beer world domination here.

And all the way over to the West coast comes a story about Bear Republic, a great brewer who makes Racer 5 (a personal favorite) that was so good it attracted attention from… the East Coast. So back we go to Pittsburgh, PA and a bar called Fatheads. Fathead

Beer News Radio is not dead.

Nope, we’re simply taking a large break while we focus on our brother site, Big Foamy Head. If you haven’t visited, what are you waiting for? Head over to http://www.bigfoamyhead.com and listen up, or subscribe to us via iTunes or go to our feedburner page at http://feeds.feedburner.com/BigFoamyHead.

More Beer News Radio coming your way soon, I promise. And the check really is in the mail.

Keg of Cold Hiney?

I thought all the bad dreams and night sweats were over after the hangover wore off. Not so. Heineken, the Amsterdam version of Anheuser Busch, has come up with a good idea… except for the product it’s used for.

The big event at the first of the year is the Consumer Electronics Expo in Vegas. Everyone with an idea shows up pimping their wares, hoping to separate you from your money.  Krups, known (at least by me) for their coffeemakers, came up with an idea for beer and partnered with Heineken to introduce to the world a never-before-known concept: a kegerator.

Yes, it’s true. You can keep you keg cold forever with this baby. Has a tap on top to dispense beer, too.

Assuming you’re okay with kegs of Heineken, that is. This $400 unit will take those little 5-liter kegs of Amsterdam pisswater and keep ‘em chilled for up to 30 days. You’ll be able to buy this device at Williams Sonoma in March.

A few observations…

• Why would you want 5 liter’s of their excuse for a beer anyway? It’s mass marketed swill.
• Second, any beer that’s kept around for 30 days can’t be very good, can it? 30 minutes is pushing it at my house.
• And a refrigerator at Sears costs less than $400 and can hold anything.

Shake your head in marvel at the tiny article and video provided by Seattlepi.com. 

New Beer’s Day Resolutions

Like that play on words? I’m making some resolutions about beer and suggest you do the same.

Resolution #1: I’m not going to panic about hops and malt shortages. It’s probably an Al Qaeda funded propaganda. Yes, there are shortages, but it’s only hurting tiny breweries and home brewers. That’s bad, but overall the craft beer industry is still covered, home brewers are very resourceful, and we’ll all limp along till everything is back to normal. More on this later, I promise.

Resolution #2: I’m going to try more craft beers, and actively educate my friends about them. The first part is easy – who doesn’t want to try more craft beers? I’m thankful to have friends in other states who will help me increase my reach, finding and sharing beers I may otherwise not know about. The second part is a little more difficult, but only because of time. I’m thinking of a Boy’s Night In with beer instead of box wine, you know, like the ladies do with their Bunco nights.

Resolution #3: I’m going to get better exercise. Not necessarily more, but better, more focused exercise that actually accomplishes something. I see too many fat guys at the gym pedaling or walking while reading a magazine. That’s not exercise, that’s entertainment. You can’t read while you exercise, boys. Much like beer, exercise should be about quality, not quanitity, to really get something out of it. Beer doesn’t make you fat. Let’s just state that now, and back it up with an article from the Digital Journal that mentions a new book dispelling myths about beer making you fat, situps and shrunken testicles. To distill this article to it’s essence: alcohol consumption can only radically alter your weight if you radically alter your consumption. Situps will give you stronger abs, but will not actively reduce fat. And your nads will shrink if you take stereoids or OD on testosterone.

So I’m looking at a theme of quality this year. Quality of beer, quality of 

Beer and Holidays

Christmas has come and gone, thank God. Now we can look forward to that one night of pure alcohol abuse, New Years Eve. There are a million articles out this month addressing the typical concerns: overindulgence, drinking and driving, and showing your ass at office and family functions. I’m not going to tell you about any of these, simply because you don’t need anyone to tell you not to overindulge, don’t drink and drive, or show your ass which can lead to divorce or unemployment, do you? No, you don’t. You’re getting enough of that now, so you won’t be hearing it from me. What you will hear is the following:

Drink better, not more. Any moron can pound down cheap beer to get a buzz (and a horrifying, room-spinning hangover the next morning) but it takes a little bit of brains to realize that better beer, in reasonable quantities, is far better for you.  Break out that bottle you’ve saved for a special occasion. Try some winter warmers, or vertical beers from breweries. Tis the season to be jolly, and these will get you there without turning you into an unemployed loser.

Don’t drive. Notice I didn’t say don’t drink and drive. That’s somewhat obvious, so just don’t drive. Ask your significant other, or carpool with somebody who isn’t going to get pounded. Or better yet, stay over wherever the party is (invited, of course). Your drinking has nothing to do with it. There are just too many idiots on the roads on holidays. They’re like lemmings, except they’re driving multi-ton vehicles that will squash and kill you. Your odds of getting in a wreck go through the roof, regardless of how much or how little you drink. Your odds of causing a wreck do go up when drinking, duh. So don’t drive.

Introduce a good beer to a good friend. In the spirit of giving, the gift of knowledge (plus alcohol) is always appreciated. Bring a couple of bottles of your favorite craft beverages and share them with a friend. Make time to visit a local taphouse and introduce them to the wide world of beer.

Have a safe and delicious holiday.

Through a Beer, Darkly

We all have our Yuletide celebrations and Hans Magen Olsen is no exception. He recently hoisted a glass of beer he’d made himself and toasted the winter solstice in complete darkness. Hans is the owner and brewer at Nordkapp Bryggerie, the world’s northernmost brewpub. Located 1,311 miles from the North Pole, it’s your last chance to get beer before you hit Santa’s house.

This act of drinking in the dark is actually a very old Norweigan custom called Juløl . From the article at Philly.com:

Juløl (Jul = winter feast, øl = beer) is the world’s original Christmas beer. It has been brewed in Norway since well before the birth of Christ, when tribal sects celebrated the solstice with feasts in honor of Odin and Thor.

To these early dwellers, the longest night of the year marked the rebirth of the sun and the earth. It was a sign that the days would begin to lengthen and that the earth would once again be fertile with life.

With the autumn crops harvested, the animals slaughtered and the beer fully fermented, villages came together for days of feasting. “It was a time to fill your batteries for the harsh winter ahead,” said Tobjørn Skovold, spokesman for the Aass brewery in Drammen, just south of Oslo.

The event and its beer became so institutionalized that by 800 A.D., Norwegian farmers were required by law to brew juløl. “You had to make a beer with as much grain as the combined weight of the farm’s husband and wife,” Skovold said. “And it had to be strong beer. If it wasn’t, it was considered dishonorable and your farm would have a spell cast on it.”

Worse, if the farmer failed to make juløl in three consecutive years, Skovold said, his property could be seized, and he would be expelled from the country.

Juløl survived Norway’s conversion to Christianity, as the solstice festival became a Christmas celebration. To this day, families and some traditional farms home-brew juløl with sugar, baking yeast and spruce.

Some observations about this: I don’t know if I could drink beer from the Aass brewery. Is there slogan possibly “this beer tastes like ass?” But I do applaud the idea of kicking out farmers who didn’t make beer. Get rid of those non-festive bastards who spread negative vibes.  Any country who passes a law that you have to make and drink beer can’t be all bad.

Happy Holidays to all and have a beer on me. Read more at Philly.com.

The Tree of Beer, er… Life

If you’ve ever been to Disneyworld, you’ve probably been to the Animal Kingdom resort which has a huge tree in the center of the park. The Tree of Life contains a theater that shows a 3d movie to entertain and delight you and the kids. There in no Disneyworld in South Africa, but they do have a giant tree that contains something else to entertain and delight you… a bar!
In Limpopo, South Africa stands a 72-foot tall Baobab tree that has a naturally occurring hollow center. Heather van Heerden, owner of Sunland Farms where the tree stands, hated to see the space go to waste and built a bar inside it.
Imagine getting your beer on inside a 155-foot diameter tree. Legend says that if a baby drinks a mixture of the Baobab bark and water, it will grow up healthy and strong. If you drink a beer inside the Baobab tree, you’ll think you’re healthy and strong. And drunk, eventually. The tree is estimated to be over 6,000 years old. The boiled eggs served in the bar may be that old as well.
Enjoy the pictures and words at the Daily Mail.

Beer is good for you, as if you didn’t know that

The latest “news” that beer is good for you has been revealed once again, just in case you’d forgotten. In an article earlier this week, University of Wisconsin researchers have proved that dark beer, not lagers, have a proven effect on reduction of blood clots. In dogs. For some reason this is being treated as news. Every six months or so, someone discovers this and puts out the semi-serious news that beer is “good for my heart”, justifying our drinking habits. Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

Beer, as well as tea, and a billion other fruit and vegetables, contain flavonoids. The beer flavonoids, known as Xanthohumol (a prenylated chalcone), help reduce LDL, the bad cholesterol, and free radicals. Okay, that’s a good thing. But it’s old news. Here’s the current article from the Ireland Independent, stating that dark beer, such as Guinness, is good for you! And here is another article from Science News that says the same thing. The difference between the two? The Science News article is eleven years old.

And what’s the deal with the same players being mentioned every time? The beer that always does the most good? Guinness. And the researchers? University of Wisconsin.  Coincidence? I don’t think so. Personally I believe it’s an elaborate hoax concocted by scientists at U of W to get free Guinness for the last eleven years. Which I find extremely cool and applaud them for the scam. Go Badgers!

And here’s another thing that bothers me. The researchers always compare Guiness to domestic lagers and conclude that “dark” beers are better. This is totally erroneous. American mass-produced lagers are run through sterile filters to decrease alcohol content and calories, and consequently dilute flavor and content. The flavonoids that occur in beer come from hops, not malt. The color of the beer is somewhat irrelevant. I would challenge the good doctors at U of W, or the ones getting rats drunk at U of Oregon, to do a comparison of flavonoid levels in a Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA with Guiness. I believe a good old-fashioned American ass kicking would occur. If hops contain the flavonoids, American beer will rule.

And what’s the deal with getting rats and dogs snockered? When there are probably a lot of volunteers who’d be willing to take a pint or two for the team? It’s not like you’re jacking them up with chemicals. I’ll sign up for my town. We could get thousands of people to volunteer.

Here’s the reality: beer, wine, tea or whatever you choose to consume may or may not help your heart, but it will do very, very little if you sit on your butt and swill liquids. Diet, exercise and genetics determine your health. Beer just makes your life better